In California, we have a different way of doing things.
. For
us, RSVP are four random letters that appear on the bottom of invitations, indicating nothing. An invitation means that someone is having an event and seeks your commitment. If you're naive or new to our way of doing things, you should understand that no one holds you to your promise.
As everyone in California knows, an
invitation is a mere technicality. The game plan is to throw it
on the counter and fuggetaboutit! No worries. The hostess will give you a ring
on the day before the party to see if you’re coming. You can decide then.
Weddings, intimate dinner parties—makes no difference.
According to my friend, no-shows are very common in Santa Barbara. Yes, even for dinner parties. People respond "yes" and then wait to see if something better comes along. She blames the practice on the "Biz (the film industry.) And it gets worse the closer you are to Hollywood.
Makes sense. Why waste your time at a "B" dinner in your honor if you can tag along to an "A" event and gawk at the movie stars. Even the concept of "A" and "B" comes from California. Remember the old Disneyland ride ticket books? Who wouldn't rather ride the Matterhorn than the train?
According to my friend, no-shows are very common in Santa Barbara. Yes, even for dinner parties. People respond "yes" and then wait to see if something better comes along. She blames the practice on the "Biz (the film industry.) And it gets worse the closer you are to Hollywood.
Makes sense. Why waste your time at a "B" dinner in your honor if you can tag along to an "A" event and gawk at the movie stars. Even the concept of "A" and "B" comes from California. Remember the old Disneyland ride ticket books? Who wouldn't rather ride the Matterhorn than the train?
So I live in California. Time to bring this around to me.
I have a writer’s critique group on alternate Tuesdays. This
group is new and just beginning to jell. Like any newborn, it needs attention.
It helps to know who will be there. I requested that everyone RSVP, and they did. As of last Friday six plus me made seven. Yeah!
Tuesday morning the house is clean. Snacks are ready.
Husband is fed and out of the house. And the calls start coming in. One member has a
sore throat. One is still in jammies. A third one has slept late and can make
the last half. The others are no-shows. And that’s when the idea for this blog
starts.
As a new writer, for three years I used to drive 70 miles
round trip every other Monday to attend a critique group that started at nine.
I scheduled my life around that group! The moderator was a retired grade school
teacher who ran that group like her classroom. I was terrified of getting “the
look” if I walked in three minutes late.
No coincidence that in the years I belonged I wrote a
bazillion short stories and essays and submitted them to markets all over the
US and Canada. Had thirty acceptances (a 1/23 ratio. Not bad for fiction in the
era before e-publishing.) I wore out three Writer’s Market books in the process
and won ten awards. Wrote two novels. I quit the group when members started writing travel stories and essays and I was the only fiction writer left.
Point is, that critique group launched me. That’s what I
hope to do for the newbies in my group.
Clearly the fault is mine. I need to develop “the look”.
Tough love. Next week we’ll revamp the rules and get down to business. As
soon as I finish writing this, I’ll dig out my cousin’s wedding invitation from the junk on the counter and send my RSVP. She even included a stamp.
Hope it’s not too late.
Anybody have a similar experience or want to add to the discussion? Here's your chance.
No vent, just a "no excuse" response to those who don't show up or have an inflated sense of themselves. Your first group sounded like the way to do. So, Anne, unfortunately, you're going to have to perform tough love. If they're not taking themselves seriously as writers, they won't take you seriously as a writer. Show them the boot, I mean the wicked Laboutin heel.
ReplyDeleteHope it all works out.
Anne, I don't know if rude is the new normal in SB or anywhere else. But you're right about needing to develop The Look. And it wouldn't hurt to apply the Laboutin heel that Valerie mentions either! The ones that want to be there will come. Those that don't, out they go. They're not worth your time or mentoring energy. :)
ReplyDeleteBut Anne, it's hard to give the look to empty chairs. Best of luck with your next meeting.
ReplyDeleteI think the problem transcends just my critique group. It's epidemic. Remember when an event on your calender was literally a "red letter day?" We're over-scheduled, over-stimulated beings running around like rats in a maze. The answer to me is--prioritize. You are as you choose to spend your time. Commit and let you word be your bond.
ReplyDeleteNo, Anne. I think the phenomenon you describe is about fear, not about rudeness (although you can make a good case for a refusal to admit to fear being rude in this case). Most times when people make last-minute excuses for not attending a critique group session, it's because either they froze when they tried to write a piece for review, or they wrote a piece and know it's not good, especially when the critique group leader is a published author (and not a flighty, quick-digital, SmashedSyllables.com, dash it off scribbler like so many "authors" are today). Of course, you should take into account the fact that I don't like critique groups. I agree with those writers who insist that the only appropriate time for a critique is when the author has brought the work as close to publication worthiness as possible. Then take the work to a darned good editor. Too many times critique groups become unintentional "write-like-I-write" advice sessions. Either that, or "Write-to-The-Market-First" advice sessions (at least this type of advice is defensible, if not always artistic). I am free to express these opinions now that I'm not associated with any writers' organizations.
ReplyDeleteHi Anthony. You were always free to express your opinion. And your opinions are always free! You make great points. What about party RSVP's? Are you a no-show sinner? I'll go anywhere for a meal I don't have to cook!
ReplyDeleteNo, Anne. I keep my word, especially when and where good company and good grub are concerned. Your critique-group spread, I'm sure, was far superior to the usual cheap, hardtack chocolate-chip cookies and Yuban excuse for coffee buffets offered up as penance -- for sins committed on the page -- at most of those critique group gatherings I attended when I was young, spry and so better able to digest ersatz food along with write-like-I-write comments.
ReplyDeleteAnne, RSVPs aren't an understood concept where I live. For every 10 invitations, there might be 3 responses. But to your larger concern about critique groups, it seems like newer authors are less interested in improving because many consider themselves truly gifted writers with an important story to tell from the first sentence. Plus, it is generally recognized more than one of the top best sellers have been poorly written, but they have become blockbuster movies. For many, that's the dream.
ReplyDeleteGreat points about writing. For those of us who don't manage to write either a best seller or a blockbuster movie, what we're left with is the process of writing and growing, and the friendships that evolve through our shared love of the craft. Happy to report that my critique group is evolving into just such a group with mutual trust and inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel.
ReplyDelete